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Writing That Encourages Action

Probably one of the greatest disservices you (we) can do for a clients/customer is to place pressure on him/her to take action.

Today, I received a link to a report from a web site for two chiropractors who “claim” they have the cure for Fibromyalgia sufferers.  As someone who has a mild case of Fibromyalgia, I like to hear about what others are doing to make headway in this area.  From a business standpoint, I like to review what others are offering.   To say I was horrified at what these doctor’s are offering is putting it mildly.

Affordable Words - Writing that Encourages ActionFirst, they had a sales page.  I’ve never seen any other doctor do this.  It was nothing but sales, sales, sales.  Second, their page was not written from the perspective of a doctor trying to help.  Instead, it was SCREAMING at me (using too much red text) that I had to do something…and they were the solution.   Finally, they shoved so much information down my throat that I almost couldn’t finish reading the page because I was so agitated.

Here are some of the main highlights that really bothered me.

  • You do not know how I feel - because you don’t have fibromyalgia. 
  • I don’t care there are 15 million people who have this condition.  I’m interested in ME – and ME only. 
  • If you could not find “anyone who was really helping fibromyalgia sufferers”, why should I think that you can help?
  • If you were “average doctors” several years ago, how could you have found a solution in such a short period of time (when no one else has)?
  • You’re only going to offer me a discounted price if I schedule in the next 2 weeks?  I have never had a health care provider tell me that if I didn’t see him/her in the next two weeks, the fee would be higher. 
  • There is no mention of insurance acceptance on this page…and that’s because you’re chiropractors – and most insurance companies don’t cover this type of specialized care except by an MD.

I could go on and on about all the other things that make me NOT want to take action.   

So, if your goal is to make someone take action, does your service or product answer these questions?

  • Is my focus on the individual who visits my site (instead of being all about me and how great and wonderful I am)?
  • Am I sharing too much non-relevant information that is just going to confuse the reader?
  • What can I offer – at no charge – that demonstrates my sincere interest in helping someone?
  • Can I convey my message in a short, concise manner (versus over 4,000 words like these two gentlemen had on their site)?
  • Does it appear that I am more interested in helping you than I am about selling you a product/service? 

Put yourself in the reader’s shoes, and write exactly what YOU would want to read.   Minimize the sales pitch and be happy with the fact that you’ve helped someone else.   The return you receive will be far greater.

How can I help you be successful today?


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